Archive for the 'Emotional Intelligence' Category

Intentionality and habits

Dennis

People do things because they want to (intentions). Their motivation comes from a desire to create something that does not now exist.

People do things because they believe they have to (obligations). Their motivation often comes from guilt.

And people do things because they have always done them that way (habits). Often those habits are long standing and were not consciously chosen, which means they may not support current intentions.

The world would be a better place, I believe, if

  • people did more things that were motivated by intention rather than obligation,
  • and if antiquated habits were replaced by those that were consciously chosen to serve intentions.

What do you think—are intentions and consciously-chosen habits trustworthy sources of guidance and energy?

Conversations for learning

Dennis

Some of our most important learning occurs in conversations. And because learning is a prerequisite to sound decision making, good decisions are often preceded by good conversations.

Conversations for learning matter so much that virtually all meetings and even one-to-one discussions with colleagues, parents, and students within the school community should be designed to maximize learning.

Unfortunately, some leaders believe that effective leaders make decisions independently. Such decision making, they think, is a sign of decisiveness and strength.

For these leaders the purpose of meetings is to tell others about their decisions.

Their subordinates are so accustomed to a passive role in which they simply receive what their bosses tell them to think, say, and do that it may be hard for them to even imagine participating in conversations for learning and decision making.

But not all conversations are created equal.

Conversations for learning require: 

• Intentionality;

• Deeply-attentive listening;

• A willingness to go beneath the surface of conventional assumptions and understandings;

• Slowness that provides space for thinking and elaboration (think “wait time”);

• An openness to learning based on a deep respect for the experiences and perspectives of others; and

• A belief that everyone has something worthwhile to contribute….

How is it in your setting— are conversations for learning an essential part of professional learning and decision making, or are “conversations” more often monologues that communicate what has already been decided?

Setting limits

Dennis

Work will happen 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, if you let it. We are all in that place where we are all letting it…, and I don’t know why. – Shonda Rhimes

To be the best teacher or leader we can be requires that we pay attention to all aspects of our life, not just to the hours that we are at work.

One important aspect of taking care of ourselves is setting boundaries about what we will and will not do at home.

The beginning of a new year provides an opportunity to think more deeply about and establish goals for limits that we will set in our work lives.

Cal Newport’s blog post, from which the quote above is drawn, provides a broader perspective on this problem as it relates to the ceaseless email that can eat up personal and family time.

Newport notes that Rhimes has the following signature appended to all her e-mails:

“I don’t read work e-mails after 7 pm or on weekends, and if you work for me, may I suggest you put down your phone?”

Like most important things in organizations, leaders set the tone and establish the rules through their own example and the work culture they help create.

What do you think? Can we set limits to the work we will do at home, and, if we are leaders, help others in our organizations do the same?

You already know enough…

Dennis

You already know enough about good health to be healthier.

You already know enough about successful relationships to have more satisfying relationships in all parts of your life.

You already know enough about being a good teacher to be a better one.

You already know enough about being a good leader to be a better one.

There are, of course, important things for us to learn and a time for us to learn them.

Sometimes we know what is important for us to learn—we know what we don’t know. At other times we don’t know what we don’t know, which means it is essential that we place ourselves in uncomfortable situations that reveal those things to us (peer feedback, for instance).

But for the moment I encourage you to more consistently apply what you already know rather than continuously searching for new understandings that are not likely to be implemented.

Our lives and the lives of others will be better as a result.

Do you agree or disagree?

Happy Holidays, and my best wishes for a happy and healthy 2016!

The greatest gift

Dennis

One of the greatest gifts we can give others is to bear witness to their lives.

One of the most important and readily available ways we can bear witness is to evoke and listen to the stories people tell that reveal what it has been like for them to live their lives.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the United States, a day that can serve as a prompt to honor and express our gratitude to those who came before us in our families and communities by inviting their storytelling.

To that end StoryCorp proposes that family members accept its invitation to “The Great Thanksgiving Listen” in which a StoryCorps app is used to record elders’ stories.

“The app helps users select questions and record and then upload interviews to the StoryCorps archive in the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress,” NPR noted in its report on the project.

My experience as a hospice volunteer videotaping the life stories of patients near the end of their lives revealed to me the power of such storytelling for both the patient and for family members.

Take a moment this weekend (and throughout the year) to ask the elders in your life to share a few of their stories.

Include the teachers or mentors who were important to you  in your list of those you might interview.

I promise that you will cherish those conversations for years to come.

Good advice

Dennis

In Louise Penny’s mystery, Bury Your Dead, a senior police inspector tells a junior colleague that he will benefit in his career if he learns to say: “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I need help. I don’t know.”

With the U.S. Thanksgiving Day on the near horizon, I would add: “I am grateful.”

Many problems in our personal and professional lives would disappear or be significantly diminished if we learned to regularly say those things, one at a time or in various combinations.

What do you think—good advice?

Paying attention to what matters

Dennis

Giving our full attention to what’s in front of us rather than succumbing to unrelenting interruptions is one of the biggest challenges many of us face in our professional and personal lives.

Multi-tasking interferes with productivity and undermines relationships, both at work and at home.

It is impossible to do deep, engaging work and to establish satisfying relationships with colleagues or family members if we are not paying attention to the task or to the people who are in front of us.

For most of us digital devices lead the list of disruptors.

In this post Henrik Edberg offers “10 habits that help me to keep my attention on what truly matters – both at work and in my private life – and at the same time minimize stress and overwhelm.”

I particularly appreciate #10: “Remember the 5 little words for sanity: One thing at a time.”

What would you add to Edberg’s list?


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