One reason we ask questions is because we want information.
Another reason is to promote deeper exploration of a subject.
Some kinds of questions promote such exploration while others do not.
“Honest, open questions,” to borrow a phrase from Parker Palmer, invite inquiry. For example: “What are some things you might do to solve the problem you are having with your friend?”
Questions that clearly have “right answers” or are really disguised statements often thwart inquiry (“closed, directive questions”). For example: “Don’t you think you should call your friend to find out why he said that?”
Many of us have not had the opportunity to learn how to phrase honest, open questions – that is, questions that cause further inquiry and deepen relationships.
We may ask questions to steer the direction of the conversation rather than to truly seek to understand the views of others or to extend their thinking.
We may ask questions that narrow the focus of thinking rather than expand it.
Closed, directive questions often cause people to feel they are being manipulated, which breeds distrust and cynicism.
In addition, people whose habit it is to ask closed, directive questions often perceive honest, open questions through the lens of manipulation, suspecting ulterior motives and becoming defensive.
Good questions stimulate thinking on the part of both the person who asks and the person who answers. They deepen understanding and open up previously unexplored areas for conversation.
Individuals involved in such conversations feel like they have learned something about themselves, each other, and the subject at hand. In addition, they feel respected and understood.
Examine your questions. Do they promote honest inquiry or directly or indirectly tell people what to think and do?
In your experience, what types of questions deepen inquiry and improve relationships?