Acts of kindness are infectious

Researchers found that people who perform a random act of kindness tend to underestimate how much the recipient will appreciate it. And they believe that miscalculation could hold many of us back from doing nice things for others more often. — Catherine Pearson

I have often found my mood boosted by a friendly smile or greeting from a stranger.

Because feelings are contagious, those associated with such kindness can create ripples of positivity as they spread from one person to another without conscious thought or awareness of their original source.

Most of us underestimate the benefits of the seemingly small, often random acts of kindness we give and receive that boost our individual and collective well-being.

This raises the question of whether resilient people are more aware of the ripple effects of such acts and other subtle ways they can make a positive difference.

Can you recall a seemingly small act of kindness you received that had an outsized positive effect on you?

Consider ways to create positive energy

The beginning of a new calendar year is a good time to consider ways of creating positive energy in ourselves and others, which is truly one of the most important fundamentals of leadership and resilience.

This post from September 2013 points the way to the positive emotions at the core of positive energy. 

8 ways to create positive energy in the school community

Visitors can often sense in a matter of minutes the positive or negative energy of a school. 

Some schools feel welcoming, calm, and joyful. Others feel angry, stressful, and even foreboding.

Fortunately, administrators and teacher leaders can influence the energy and emotional tone of classrooms, schools, and school systems. 

Here are 8 suggestions for creating positive energy:

1. Bring authentic positive emotions such as enthusiasm, hopefulness, and joy into the school community.

2. Use  formal and informal processes to celebrate the accomplishments and strengths of everyone in the school community.

3. Honor those who are not present by refusing to engage in gossip and other negative interactions.

4. Make certain that all meetings are engaging and productive.

5. Ensure that professional development produces meaningful professional learning by putting an end to “mindless” professional  development.

6. Make certain that all requests are carefully considered before making promises, and that once made, those promises are kept.

7. Whenever possible, use careful planning to prevent or minimize problems and the stress they cause. 

8. Maintain an unwavering focus and consistency by ensuring that continuous improvement efforts are based on a compelling vision, shared community values, and clear long-term goals and strategies.

What ideas or practices would you add to this list?

Find micro-moments of positivity

[W]ell-being can be considered a life skill. If you practice, you can actually get better at it. —Barbara Fredrickson

Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson advocates nurturing everyday “micro-moments of positivity” to increase our overall well being.

According to a New York Times article, “Activities Dr. Fredrickson and others endorse to foster positive emotions include:

“Do good things for other people. In addition to making others happier, this enhances your own positive feelings. It can be something as simple as helping someone carry heavy packages or providing directions for a stranger.

“Appreciate the world around you. It could be a bird, a tree, a beautiful sunrise or sunset or even an article of clothing someone is wearing. I met a man recently who was reveling in the architectural details of the 19th-century houses in my neighborhood.

“Develop and bolster relationships. Building strong social connections with friends or family members enhances feelings of self-worth and, long-term studies have shown, is associated with better health and a longer life.

“Establish goals that can be accomplished. Perhaps you want to improve your tennis or read more books. But be realistic; a goal that is impractical or too challenging can create unnecessary stress.

“Learn something new. It can be a sport, a language, an instrument or a game that instills a sense of achievement, self-confidence and resilience. But here, too, be realistic about how long this may take and be sure you have the time needed.

“Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all. Rather than imperfections and failures, focus on your positive attributes and achievements. The loveliest people I know have none of the external features of loveliness but shine with the internal beauty of caring, compassion and consideration of others.

“Practice resilience. Rather than let loss, stress, failure or trauma overwhelm you, use them as learning experiences and steppingstones to a better future. Remember the expression: When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

“Practice mindfulness. Ruminating on past problems or future difficulties drains mental resources and steals attention from current pleasures. Let go of things you can’t control and focus on the here-and-now. Consider taking a course in insight meditation.”

Which of these positive activities is most appealing to you, and how might you incorporate them into the “micro-moments” of your day?

Developing positive emotions and resilience

Is it possible for people to develop skills associated with emotional and social intelligence?

The answer is “yes.”

More specifically, is it possible for people to increase their positive emotions and, in turn, their resilience in the face of illness and other adversity?

The answer is also “yes.”

“[N]ew research is demonstrating that people can learn skills that help them experience more positive emotions when faced with the severe stress of a life-threatening illness,” Jane Brody reports.

“Judith T. Moskowitz, a professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, developed a set of eight skills to help foster positive emotions….”

“An important goal of the training is to help people feel happy, calm and satisfied in the midst of a health crisis. Improvements in their health and longevity are a bonus. Each participant is encouraged to learn at least three of the eight skills and practice one or more each day.

“The eight skills are:

■ Recognize a positive event each day.

■ Savor that event and log it in a journal or tell someone about it.

■ Start a daily gratitude journal.

■ List a personal strength and note how you used it.

■ Set an attainable goal and note your progress.

■ Report a relatively minor stress and list ways to reappraise the event positively.

■ Recognize and practice small acts of kindness daily.

■ Practice mindfulness, focusing on the here and now rather than the past or future.”

I encourage you to experiment with one or more of these strategies for at least a week and to note their effects on your mood and ability to deal with adversity.

Being our best selves

Sometimes I compare myself unfavorably to others.  “Why can’t I be more like so-and-so?” I wonder.

And I’m sure that if I tried really hard I could be a bit more like that person.

But more often than not, I realize that it would be better for me to invest my time and energy in developing my unique talents rather than becoming a shadow of someone else.

All of us contribute more to the world, I believe, when we are our first rate selves rather than a second rate someone else.

Likewise, people of all ages thrive when they are encouraged to be their best selves.

People report that they are most satisfied with their work and lives when they use their talents for worthy purposes.

Just as we each have unique talents, we each have unique opportunities.

Because there is no one exactly like us in the particular situations in which we find ourselves, we each have unique opportunities that arise throughout our lives to make a difference that no one else can make.

When do you thrive?

What are the qualities of relationships that encourage you to  be your best self?

What other conditions promote those qualities?

Words matter

Words matter.

They create energy or destroy it. They can produce an upward flow of possibility and energy or a downward spiral of resignation and hopelessness.

The language that administrators and teacher leaders use affects the ability of the school community to solve problems and to achieve its most important goals.

It is essential that leaders cultivate discernment about the words that create upward or downward spirals of energy and then to carefully choose the words that they use.

Which words increase your energy and which ones deplete it?

Choose hopefulness over resignation

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right. – Henry Ford

Successful leadership can sometimes be reduced to a small number of fundamental choices. Once those choices are made, they guide decisions and behavior in dozens of situations each week.

One of those choices is between hopefulness and resignation.

Hopefulness means that we see possibility where others see only constraints.

Hopefulness is not a naive faith that things will always resolve themselves in favorable ways. Nor is it a strategy. Without stretching goals and robust plans hope is just a fervent wish.

Instead, hopefulness is based on a fundamental assumption that people working together can accomplish far more than they might have initially thought possible.

Resignation only requires that we surrender ourselves to the status quo when confronted by the inevitable challenges that arise when engaged in important work. (“There have always been kids who were weren’t successful in school, and there is nothing that can be done to change that.”)

Hopefulness has several benefits:

• Hopefulness expands what we believe is within our circle of influence.
• Hopefulness gives us energy, which in turn energizes those around us.

• Hopefulness is the glue which connects and strengthens the school community while it pursues demanding goals.

Hopeful principals and teacher leaders inspire the school community with the prospect of a better future. They then provide a means for the realization of that aspiration through the development of ambitious goals and powerful plans.

In offering hope and providing a pathway to its realization, school leaders serve their communities in fundamental and sustaining ways.

 

A special note: I value my readers. And because I want to extend the reach of these ideas, I encourage you to become a subscriber to this blog if you are not already one. 

Subscribing ensures timely, automatic receipt of every post. It only takes a moment to subscribe using your email address, and it’s just as easy to unsubscribe. (WordPress does not use email addresses for other purposes.) 

Thank you for considering subscribing!